I work in a field that is very psychologically taxing and draining and sometimes it’s important to take mental health days. The other morning I woke up and was just not feeling it. My bed felt like a velvet burrito had consumed me, it was pouring rain outside and I just felt tired..not just physically but mentally. So mental health day here I came.
After sleeping in and having my coffee in bed I decided to clean out my closet because it’s been a task that’s been looming over me for months now, I have such a hard time picking our clothes to wear because my closet is more jam packed than Walmart on Black Friday and I also felt that if I cleared my physical space it would help my mental space as well.
As I was cleaning out my closet I came across my favorite jeans. You know the ones that make your ass look like JLo, your legs like Cameron Diaz, and they rest just at the right height that your hips and stomach don’t roll over them and they give you that lean Jessica Alba V-cut look. They are the perfect jeans for channeling your sassy, confident, independent inner Carrie Bradshaw. So what did I do? I put them on. How far up did they go? Barely passed my not-so JLo ass. Evidently I’ve packed on a few pounds since the last time I wore them.
So instead of forcing my exploded can of Pillsbury cinnamon-bun ‘love handles’ into the jeans and potentially ripping my favorite pair of pants ever, I took them off folded them up and put them to the side. One day I might fit into them again if I clean up my diet, cut out the beer and start running again. But for now they aren’t working for me so they can live in the corner.
As I folded them up I thought of around this time last year when I used to wear these jeans almost everyday. I was freshly single and was totally feeling myself. I just started dating/hooking up/sleeping with- whatever you want to call it, my current situation who for the sake of this article we will call John*. Our relationship was/is far from perfect but at the time it was perfect for me, it fit..like my jeans. But after some poor diet decisions, too many beers and a lack of exercises- our bodies changed and the pants didn’t fit anymore. Well, not quite. But you get the point, we grew apart.
So now my question is, why am I still trying to force my ass into these jeans when they just don’t fit anymore? Or rather why am I trying to force a relationship that is clearly over? I was able to put the jeans I LOVE to the side and recognize it’s not working but why can’t we do that with people? Why are we so infatuated with forcing relationships? When we force the jeans on, all that happens is we risk ripping them, we look ridiculous and we feel uncomfortable and stuffed like a sausage. Nothing good comes out of forcing.
Why is it that we can’t just simple fold them, put them in the corner and if they fit again one day great and if they don’t we will find another pair of jeans that will. As Buddha once said, “the root of all suffering is attachment” and when we hold onto these ideas or things…whether it’s the jeans or our relationships all we are doing is making ourselves feel gross, uncomfortable and potentially damaging.
Although I’m not quite there yet, I’m slowly starting to slip the jeans off and considering maybe retiring them. Not forever but at least putting them to the side. If they want to fit one day they can but I’m not forcing them anymore.